WHO GETS TO KEEP OUR CHILD? (Pt 2).

CASE 1

A woman left a marriage where she had four girls without proper divorce for close to seven years. She returned only to file a proper divorce and stated that one of the reasons for fleeing the marriage was domestic violence, she also sought custody of her daughters. The divorce is granted, but the court had to look into the issue of custody. Many factors were weighed. The girls had actually forgotten about their mum, only the first girl had little memories of the woman. They have bonded with their father over the years. The woman was a working-class woman in the city of Lagos, and was about to get married to another man. I cannot for sure say all reasons why the court refused to grant her custody of the children, but two stood out to me. First, you cannot just take kids from a man they have been with for seven years and drop them on the laps of a woman they barely remember. They would need time to bond with her and probably recollect certain memories. Hence, a visiting order was granted. The woman was given certain days of the week to have outings with the girls. The second was the fact that they were female children, and the court felt uncomfortable with the younger ones having to live in the house of the man their mother was about to marry, considering the issues of sexual assault that was rampant.

CASE 2

There is a case of a marriage that was duly divorce, and the mother left with the younger child, who was not up to a year at the time of divorce. While the father went with older child (I am not sure of the age). All I know is that, at the time the younger child was about 6 to 7 years old, the father had applied to court for custody of the second child. He informed the court that he was not comfortable with the fact that his two sons were growing apart, and would not bond like blood brothers should. He also informed the court that the first son had relocated with him to the United States and he would want the second child to join him there for better education and life. The woman opposing the application told the court that the second child had health conditions (I think asthma) and was better off with her. The case went on and on. To cut the long story short, the court granted the man custody. One of the reasons was because, the mother didn’t have a place of her own, she was literally living with family members who were living in a “face me I face you” apartment, and she had a canteen where she sold meals to people. The court also held that the quality of education the second child was getting was nothing compared to that of his elder brother.  I remember a colleague of mine being sad over that judgment. He believed that the court could have ordered that the man rented an apartment for the woman for the sake of the child, and change the school to a standard one here in Nigeria (yes, some Judges make such orders). All I remember about that case now is that, the woman vowed to appeal the decision of the court.

CASE 3

Also, I remember being in court one day, and a woman, who had been granted custody of her child was challenging her ex-husband. Apparently, the man had come to court to ask the Judge to allow him take their child to the United Kingdom for holiday. The woman opposed because she feared that the man wanted to take the child from her permanently, as she did not have the means to fly over to UK and get her child back. She believed that the visiting order that was probably earlier made by the court was limited to Nigeria. The man however informed the court the child’s cousins were in the United Kingdom for their long holidays, and he would really love the child to join them. I remember the Judge granting the order, and saying it was wrong to deprive a child of such a holiday because of the fears of the mother. The Judge however stated that it would write a letter to the UK embassy stating that the child must be back before a certain date to allow the child resume school in Nigeria. As stated earlier, custody of child to one parent does not deny the other parent access of any sort.

Like I said, it is the best interest and welfare of the child that matters most to the court,

I often advise parties in situations like these, to negotiate and arrive at an amicable settlement with respect to the custody, maintenance, and welfare of the child(ren). Afterwards, the parents can request that the Court to adopt their negotiated settlement as its judgment. From experience, this option is way better than leaving custody to the court’s discretion, as final decision, may go against the interests of any parties.  I mean what is the total assurance that the Court’s decision would be in your favour? You can never tell the mind of the court, and in matters like this, the court has the final say.

Like I stated earlier, custody to one parent is not denial of access of the court. Parents can ask that Court grant custody to let’s say the father, while the child(ren) would visit the mother on weekends, either supervised or not, vice versa.  Joint custody is also an option. The child stays with one parent during school time and with the other during the holidays.